These strategies will help kids resolve conflict with their friends

ecently Adi got into trouble with his friends and the fights were becoming frequent. so I had to step in and asked them not to play together. They were often getting into fights and many times they were getting physically involved.

So, he resisted playing with his friends for many days. I knew he was tempted to play but he didn't where to start. I also saw his friends playing together and he was feeling left out.

Adi was hesitant to talk to them and he was watching them play and after a week he couldn't resist. I saw him playing with his friends yesterday.

I asked him if everything was ok, later that evening. He said he was just passing the cricket ball, they asked him if he wanted to play and he agreed.

He said that he feels now he can control his emotions better, he will not get teased easily and if there is a situation of a fight, he will manage it smartly.

I am really surprised and happy that he can resolve conflicts on his own and play with his friends peacefully. This would not have been possible if I would have not given him some space and time to understand the situation.

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Kids need to learn how to resolve conflict on their own, without parental intervention. Doing so will help them immensely in their social development.

According to Dr. Brimhall, Ph.D., LMFT, a marriage, and family therapist - "disagreements can be opportunities for your child to recognize their feelings, accurately communicate them, and express what they need"

Though it can be a challenge for parents to find out if they should step in to help kids resolve their conflicts.

Kids will be different in the amount of help they need so we need to be very careful.

Some kids will be more independent and will not need our help, while some kids might need a little more guidance from us. The best way to know is by observing them and their behavior.

But of course, if there is hitting or cruelty involved such as in the case of bullying, we will have to step in to support kids emotionally and physically.

There are many ways that parents can help their kids resolve conflict.

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Conflict is a part of life, but it doesn't have to be a negative experience. With the right tools, kids can learn how to resolve conflict positively. This will help them immensely in their social development.

I think it's important for parents to help their kids learn how to resolve conflict healthily. It's something that they will face throughout their lives and it's better to start learning early on.

There are a few things that parents can do to help their kids resolve conflict:

1. Normalize conflicts -Let them know that it's okay to have disagreements and that it's a normal part of life. This will help them feel more comfortable when they face conflict in the future.

2.Teach them how to communicate effectively with other- They should be able to tell how they feel when their friend pulls their shirt or hit them on the head.

3. Encourage them to find ways to resolve conflict without resorting to violence- Taking a deep breath, counting to ten, or walking away from the situation can diffuse a heated moment.

4. Help them understand that it's okay to feel anger or frustration, but they need to express those feelings positively - This can be done by Screaming into a pillow, writing in a journal, or talking to a trusted adult, I encourage Adi to write in his journal every day. This is a very good way to think about what happen and how it could have been handled better.

5. Teach them how to compromise- This can be done by giving up something that they want to resolve. Adi wanted to play after they fought and sometimes I did suggest that he should ask if he can play. But he didn't approach till he felt he should and that's nice.

6. Model positive behavior- Parents should handle conflict constructively so their kids can learn from them. Adi sees me arguing sometimes, but I try to do it in a way that is respectful and without raising my voice. I also apologize to Adi when I am wrong or if I end up shouting.

7. Praise your child when they use conflict resolution skills effectively- This will encourage them to continue using these skills in the future. I was happy that Adi was able to talk to his friends when he was ready and he did it by himself.

8. Help them learn how to negotiate- When two people conflict, it's important to be willing to give up something to resolve. This can be a difficult lesson for kids to learn, but it's an important one. Children do not like to negotiate especially the dominant ones would mostly refuse, in such situations, children should step back.

9. Encourage them to be assertive, but not aggressive- Kids need to understand that it's okay to feel angry or upset, but they need to find ways to express those feelings without resorting to violence.

10. Help them understand and empathize with the other person's perspective- Always taking your kid's side even though when they are wrong can encourage their negative behavior, tell them when they are wrong.I tell Adi just like others should not hit him, he cannot hit others.

11. Help them practice what they've learned in real-life situations- It's one thing to talk about conflict resolution, but it's another thing to put those skills into practice. Parents can help their kids by role-playing different conflict scenarios. This is a great way for kids to practice what they've learned in a safe and controlled environment.

When Adi was having trouble with his friends, we role-played different scenarios that might come up and how to handle them. This was helpful for him and he was able to use the skills he learned in a real-life situation.

Here are some cooling-off strategies to help kids as suggested by experts:

1. ABCD

• A- A: Ask, "What is the problem?"
• B: Brainstorm solutions
• C: Choose a solution to try
• D: Do it!

It's good to focus on the solution and find a way to solve the problem.

2. The Spotlight technique- Children are asked to visualize a spotlight- if it is red they can take three deep breaths, When it turns yellow- they are ready to evaluate the problem. If they can handle it by themselves or if they would need any help. When the light turns green - They choose the strategy and give it a try.

3. Practising Naming Emotion- Instead of saying he did that and this, kids should say I feel this. This would help them understand the situation better and see things from a different perspective.

4. Finger Breathing- This can be done by holding up one hand and using the thumb to trace around the 5 fingers while they take 5 deep breaths. This is a great way to help kids calm down and focus on something other than the conflict they are experiencing.

5. The Zipper technique- In this strategy, kids are asked to "zip" their lips and count to 10 (or 20). This gives them a chance to calm down and think about the situation before they respond.

4. SOAR Technique - SOAR: Stop, Observe, Assess, Respond. This process involves stepping back and taking a few minutes to realize what happened. How serious is the issue, then talk about it.

5. Coping skills like mindfulness- when children practice mindfulness they will automatically learn to name and understand their feelings.

It's also important for parents to provide a safe and supportive environment for their kids. This means being available to listen to their concerns and help them work through conflicts.

When children are armed with the right tools, they can learn how to resolve conflict effectively and without resorting to violence. This will help them immensely in their social development.

Parents play a vital role in helping their kids learn how to resolve conflict healthily. By teaching them the skills they need, they can help their kids build positive relationships and avoid unnecessary conflict in their lives.

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